Book Title: Bobby Ray Breaks the Universe
Release Date: September 10,
Genre: Paranormal M/M Romance, Comedy Romance,
Tropes: Enemies to lovers
Themes: Emotional growth
Heat Rating: 3
Length: 59 000 words/171
It is a standalone story and
does not end on a cliffhanger.
Good vs. evil, angels vs.
demons, and rednecks running wild across the Middle East. What could go
What happens when a hunky demon visits you and
commands you to break all ten commandments? Or when a handsome angel orders you to
do the opposite? And what if you’re Bobby Ray, and you’ve already broken nine of the ten,
and thou shalt not kill is a close brick away, and the demon has tacked on a cushy afterlife in
hell as a reward? Decisions, decisions. And poor Bobby Ray has never been good at one
decision, let alone multiple ones. Broke, divorced, and pretty darn miserable, does he do
what’s right or what’s easy?
In this darkly comical romantic adventure, Bobby Ray, with
the help of numerous friends and just as many enemies, one being his ex-husband, travels
from Georgia to Israel and ultimately across Egypt and the Gaza Strip in search of the one
clue that will hopefully save them all, and possibly the entire world. Will good win out over
evil, love over hate? Or will Bobby Ray ultimately break the universe?
Good vs. evil, angels vs. demons, and rednecks running wild
across the Middle East. What could go wrong?
As I stood over the sleeping man, brick in hand, heart
beating a rhythmic drum solo in my chest, a brilliant flash of white light punched me straight
in the face. “What the f –”
“Bobby Ray!” boomed the voice, seemingly from all
directions. “Though shalt not kill!”
“Well, not yet, anyway,” I replied. “Wait just another
minute.” I tried swatting the blinding light away, but, well, it was light, so swatting didn’t
seem to do the trick. “That thing got a switch?” I didn’t know who I was talking to. I guessed
this was all my subconscious, some sort of guilt trip I was laying on myself for killing my
neighbor Tom. Or trying to. But with my eyes watering something awful, I was having a bit of
a hard time of it. Maybe I shouldn’t have had the bourbon beforehand. Or finished the
bottle. And smoked a joint to calm my nerves. But see, I liked Tom. Right on up until I found
out that he was sleeping with my husband, I liked him. Or, okay, to be fair, my ex-husband,
“Bobby Ray!” again boomed the voice, the floor beneath
me suddenly rolling like a wave. “Though shalt not kill!”
Funnily enough, the voice didn’t sound like mine. I’d have
thought my subconscious would’ve sounded something like me, but nope, not even close.
Also, Tom wasn’t moving. And the voice was fucking loud, and the waving floor was still
waving, and the bed was waving right along with it, but Tom was still lying there snoring.
Ambien, I figured. Had to be. In any case, I set the brick down next to him and wiped my
eyes with my sleeve. Soon as I did that, the lights went out in Georgia — Georgia being where
we were at the time and not simply the lyrics to a catchy old song.
“What the f –” I repeated as my eyes focused on the
apparent source of the booming voice. “Shouldn’t have mixed the bourbon and the pot.” I
wiped at my peepers again. And again. Only, the angel floating in front of me with his
massive wings spread out and a sort of pale glow all around him wasn’t blinking away as I
had hoped. “I bet that pot was laced with something. Shouldn’t have bought it off that
stranger at the bar. That was my first mistake.”
The angel grinned. As grins went, this was one was quite,
well, angelic. Duh, I suppose. “It doesn’t even break the top one hundred mistakes you’ve
made, Bobby Ray.”
I shrugged. “Yeah, it hasn’t been a good year for me.”
Understatement. Of the gross variety.
The angel folded his wings and stepped a foot closer to me
as just his toes touched the ground. He was tall, almost seven feet, if I had to take a guess.
Handsome as all get out, too. Smooth as alabaster and naked as the day he was born.
Though I was guessing he hadn’t ever really been born, what with him being an angel and
all. Either that or I was hallucinating. Or I was dreaming. I was betting on one of those last
“It hasn’t been a good life, either, Bobby Ray.”
And still, I shrugged. Or maybe I hadn’t stopped from the
previous time. “I blame my parents for that.”
The angel shook his head. “Honor thy father and thy
mother, Bobby Ray.”
I snickered. “Have you met the Beauregards? Flies keep
their distance. Too shitty, even for them.” I glanced at the brick. I figured I could take this guy
if need be. He didn’t look like the fighting type. Flying, sure, but not fighting.
“The Lord said to honor thy father and thy mother, Bobby
Ray, and so honor you must.”
I sighed. Tom was still fast asleep. Probably dreaming of
Matty, my ex.
“Seems kind of a waste of time to honor the likes of them,”
I told the angel. “They wouldn’t even appreciate it. Don’t much like that I’m gay, but
honoring sounds sorts of pansy-ass. Their words, not mine.” And those were nice words in
comparison to their usual words.
The angel moved a step closer, a step closer still, tippy toes
dragging the floor. He was now standing directly in front of me — or maybe it was closer to
hovering, really — leaning down, in. I stared into eyes blue as the heavens. Go figure. It was,
in fact, a bit like looking into eternity itself. “Your parents sound delightful, but be that as it
I held up my hand. “I get it, I get it. Honor. Don’t kill. Blah,
blah, blah.” I squinted up at him. “You visit everyone who’s about to break a commandment?
Because I’d have thought we would’ve met a hell of a lot sooner than now.”
The angel straightened his back and moved an inch in
reserve. Up until that moment, he looked, I don’t know, sort of at peace. All angelic looking.
Like he didn’t have a care in the world. But just for a second, I could’ve sworn I saw a flinch
of pain. Maybe it was my choice of words. Or word. Hell, I mean.
“I –” he said, but suddenly got cut off.
No, there wasn’t a bright light again. I was glad for that. My
eyes were still watering from the first one. This time, there was a puff of foul-smelling
smoke, very fire and brimstone stinking. I mean, I guess. Not like I’d smelled brimstone
before. Not that I even knew what brimstone was. In any case, I coughed, rubbed at my nose
as the black cloud disappeared to reveal what I assumed was a demon. I mean, the guy was
red all over and had horns protruding a good foot from his temples, so demon was probably
a good guess, as guesses went. Plus, I already had an angel, so a demon seemed logical. As
much as anything did right about then, I mean.
About the Author
Rob Rosen is the author of
the award-winning novels Sparkle: The Queerest Book You’ll Ever Love, Divas Las Vegas, Hot Lava, Southern
Fried, Queerwolf, Vamp, Queens of the Apocalypse, Creature Comfort, Fate, Midlife Crisis,
Fierce, And God Belched, Mary, Queen of Scotch, Ted of the d’Urbervilles, Sort of Dead,
Genie in a Vodka Bottle, and editor of the
anthologies Lust in Time, Men of the Manor,
Best Gay Erotica 2015, and Best Gay Erotica of the Year, Volumes 1, 2, 3 and
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